


let's start at the end

by rocketshiptospace



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Break Up, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-02-21
Packaged: 2018-03-14 11:14:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,674
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3408491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rocketshiptospace/pseuds/rocketshiptospace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So I was thinking about a second chance? Like a second date, but we'll pretend it's our first.” </p><p>Luke's head shot up, staring at Ashton with wide eyes, as Ashton smiled softly at him. “I really did have fun tonight, Luke. Despite everything that happened. You're really nice and I'd love to get you know you better. So, what do you say? Second chance?” </p><p>or, luke and ashton's relationship has it's ups and downs, but they'll deal with it. they always will.</p>
            </blockquote>





	let's start at the end

**Author's Note:**

> so i was watching [this interview](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYhLKoQR0PQ) the other day and at around 1:55 ashton says "it's you, it's always you" to luke and i was like "lmao that sounds like a dramatic line from a romance movie" and then i wrote fic about it. oops. (also there's another reference in this fic from the interview but idk if anyone will catch it lmao)

There's a picture somewhere, tucked away in a file on Luke's computer, in a map inside a map inside a map. He hasn't looked at for years, hasn't been in that map for years, but he still knows exactly what it looks like, remembers looking at it all the time back when him and Ashton had just started dating.

It was taken on their second date, and it's nothing special, just their faces, close together, smiling brightly. Ashton was the one who had taken the picture, because Ashton strongly believes in capturing the moment (Luke has lost count of all the times he had to grab Ashton's phone from his hands and tell him to _enjoy_ the moment instead of desperately trying to capture it).

What makes the picture special is the meaning behind it. Their first date had been a bit of a disaster, which had made the fact that there was a second date just that little bit extra special.

Luke had had a crush on Ashton ever since the curly haired boy first set foot in the coffee shop Luke worked at the time. They ended up dancing around each other for months, awkwardly flirting and stumbling over words and shy smiles, and when he finally had the guts to ask Ashton out and he actually said yes, Luke was ecstatic.

He had it all planned out: pick Ashton up, take him to dinner, and after wards go for a romantic stroll through the park in the moonlight. He made reservations and made sure everything would run smoothly, because he didn't want anything to go wrong. It seemed silly, looking back on it now, but back then Luke genuinely thought Ashton could be The One, and he genuinely believed their entire future depended on that one date running smoothly.

After all, Ashton was cute, made Luke laugh and didn't make fun of Luke's tendency to be a little bit clumsy and the fact that he fumbled over his words a lot (especially around Ashton). In all those months they had known each other, short conversations every morning when Ashton waited for Luke to finish preparing his coffee, Luke genuinely started to feel like Ashton could be a person he could be with for a very, very long time.

And then there was their first date.

It was a mess. First Luke's car broke down which meant he was an hour late to pick Ashton up, then when they got to the restaurant their reservation had fallen through which meant they had to wait another half an hour for a table to free up. When they finally got their food it tasted horrible, Luke spilled an entire glass of wine all over Ashton and to top it all off he had forgotten his wallet which meant Ashton ended up paying. They never even made it to the park, despite the fact that it was a clear and beautiful night, because by the time they finally got out of the restaurant it was already late and Ashton needed to get home because he had to work early the next morning.

When they said goodbye, it was quite clear there wasn't going to be a repeat performance. Ashton was still covered in wine and all Luke had done was manage to look like a complete ass. They had fun, yes, Luke had never laughed so hard in his life and listened intently to everything Ashton told him, but it was clear, at least to Luke, that this disaster date wasn't going to lead anywhere.

However, when Luke turned to walk away, Ashton stopped him. “Wait, Luke!” When Luke turned back around to face him, Ashton smiled shyly. “So it's pretty clear that was a really shit date.” Luke sighed, defeated. This was nowhere near how he wanted the night to go and he really didn't need Ashton to remind him of how shitty it had all gone. It was bad enough already that he had blown this, this chance at happiness with a boy he deemed perfect.

“So I was thinking about a second chance? Like a second date, but we'll pretend it's our first.” Luke's head shot up, staring at Ashton with wide eyes, as Ashton smiled softly at him. “I really did have fun tonight, Luke. Despite everything that happened. You're really nice and I'd love to get you know you better. So, what do you say? Second chance?”

When Luke nods excitedly, at a loss for words, the smile on Ashton's face widens. “Good. Except let me take care of it this time, yeah?” Luke laughs, the sound loud and out of place in the quiet, dark street. It's mostly out of relief, relief that this is not the end, that they can do this, they can try again.

They got a second chance, back then. They got their second date and then their third and fourth and then what Luke assumed would be the rest of their lives. Unfortunately, that wasn't the case.Luke could really use a second chance now, but he's pretty sure Ashton's out of second chances. He made that pretty clear when he slammed the door in Luke's face.

Luke sighs when he remembers their second date. It was so much better than the first. They decided to just stay in, watch movies, order pizza. Nothing fancy, nothing over the top, just them. That's how it was all the years after that, just them. Nothing too difficult, too complicated. Just two boys head over heels in love with each other.

The picture was taken halfway their third movie. Ashton had just pulled his phone out of nowhere and yelled “smile!” and when Luke asked him why he had taken the picture Ashton just smiled and told him that this was a moment he didn't want to forget, one he wanted to remember for a very long time.

And then he had kissed Luke for the very first time.

Luke always thought that he was going to show that exact picture during their wedding. Sometimes he practiced his speech, late at night when he could hear Ashton snoring softly behind him and realized the never wanted to sleep without hearing that sound ever again. He could visualize the whole thing: he would show the picture, talk about their first date, their second first date, and how he already knew, back then, that him and Ashton were going to make the distance. Because Ashton had given him a second chance.

That speech turned from a 'when' to an 'if' and then to a 'never' pretty fast over the past few weeks, though. Luke wishes he knew what exactly went wrong, what made them break, what made them fall apart. All he knows is Ashton growing distant, silent, turning away Luke's affections.

Luke just thought Ashton was having a rough time, maybe something at work bothering him, and that he would tell Luke when the time was right. He knows Ashton, knows that Ashton sometimes shuts him out because things are getting to much and he just needs to be alone for a bit. Eventually he'll come back to Luke though, curl up next to him on the couch, bury his face in the crook of Luke's neck and tell him what's been bothering him, why he was down, but that it's okay, that he's okay and that he's sorry and Luke will whisper soothing words and rub his back and that's it.

This time though, it's different. Instead of curling up next to Luke on the couch, Luke wakes up one morning to find Ashton never even made it to bed, instead opting to sleep on the couch. He finds Ashton canceling their plans more and more saying he's busy at work, that something came up. But all Luke hears is 'excuses excuses excuses' and it hurts, knowing Ashton won't tell him what's wrong.

They fight, eventually. They never really fight, only ever have small disagreements that are solved fairly quickly, about petty things like how Luke always leaves the bathroom a mess or how he steals all of Ashton's underwear. But this time they fight, and it's screaming and crying and at one point Luke just wants to _throw_ stuff because it's so frustrating, _Ashton's_ so frustrating.

He doesn't even know how it starts but suddenly he's yelling about how Ashton's barely even there anymore and how it seems he's lost interest in Luke and if he wants to leave, if he doesn't want this anymore, if he doesn't want _Luke_ anymore, he should just _say_ so. Because Luke can't take this, can't take being with Ashton but not being with Ashton at the same time because the Ashton he's currently in a relationship with is a shell of the Ashton he once fell in love with.

Ashton just looks at him, stares him down while Luke pours out his heart, tells him how he doesn't want him to leave because he loves him he will always love him and how Ashton is the most important person in his life and how he _needs_ him. But if Ashton doesn't want this anymore, he should tell him because no matter how much Luke needs him, it's not worth it if Ashton doesn't need him right back.

When Luke is done yelling, tears pricking at the back of his eyes and a feeling of emptiness in his chest, Ashton finally starts to talk.

Luke doesn't remember his exact words, all he remembers is Ashton apologizing for making Luke feel like that and that it's not Luke fault that he just realizes lately how long they've been together and that he's just scared, so scared, because he just realizes that Luke might be end game and he can't do that, he just can't do that. He's not ready to settle down and he's not ready to be tied down to one person, not ready to have all his choices taken away from him.

And Ashton knows that makes him sound like a dick, he says, as he apologizes once again, and he knows that Luke deserves better but he just can't help the fear that spreads in his chest every time he looks at Luke and thinks 'He's probably expecting me to propose soon'. He can't help but look at Luke and think he deserves better, think that there will be someone else out there who will take care of Luke better and he cant help but think about how Luke might leave him one day and how he wants out before it hurts too much, wants to leave before Luke does. Because if he keeps this going and Luke leaves, and he will leave, everyone eventually leaves, just look at his dad, Ashton's pretty sure he won't be able to take it.

He needs to leave, _now_ , while he still can and apparently he's willing to throw away everything they built together purely because he's scared for something that is _never_ going to happen. Leaving had never even crossed Luke's mind and he doesn't think it ever will. Because Luke knows what he wants and he wants Ashton, but Ashton's looking at Luke with a sad smile on his face and he's shaking his head and Luke wants to _scream,_ beg him not to go through with this, but the words get stuck in his throat.

So Ashton leaves, after one last sad smile in Luke's direction and the slam of the door echos through the empty house.

Luke stands there, in the exact same spot, for what must be an hour, before he can finally get it in him to move. His limbs feel weird, like they don't actually belong to him and the air in the room feels suffocating. Everything seems off, when he finally reaches into the pocket of his jeans to retrieve his phone. Calum picks up after the third rings.

“I think Ashton and I just broke up.” Luke says, as lieu of a greeting. There's a silence, then a surprised “What?” from Calum's side.

And that's when the tears start coming.

–

They haven't seen each other in a week. Ashton's been sleeping at Michael's place and Luke at Calum's and the only form of conversation was a few text messages, all very impersonal, about who got to keep the apartment and who had to move out. Luke immediately offered to move out, because he doesn't think he can ever stay in the apartment without thinking about everything they lost.

He won't be able to look at the couch without thinking about all the late night they spend watching movies, curled up in each other. He won't be able to look at the kitchen table without remembering all the mornings they ate breakfast there together, playing footsie under the table. He won't be able to walk into the bedroom without thinking about all the times him and Ashton stumbled in there, kissing feverishly, clutching to each other before falling down on the bed in a heap of limbs and laughter.

The whole place would remind him too much about what they were and what they could've been if Ashton hadn't given up on them. Luke still doesn't fully understand why. Yeah sure, it's scary, thinking about your future, but Luke always thought Ashton was worth it. That _they_ were worth it. After all, they were Ashton and Luke and, sure, the future was scary, but they would tackle it. Together. Like every other time they faced a problem after they started dating.

The only time Luke visits the apartment after they've broken up is when he's there to pick up his stuff. Calum offered to do it, but Luke denied. He needs to do this, needs this so he can put it behind him, needs this to finally get at least a little bit of closure. Because actually packing his stuff and leaving the apartment for good is like the ultimate goodbye.

Ashton's there. It's the first time Luke's seen him since he stormed out and if anything, he doesn't look very happy. There's dark circles under his eyes and he greets Luke with a half smile that never reaches his eyes and a wave and Luke doesn't say a word as he moves past him and into the bedroom to grab his clothes. Ashton seems to get the hint and retreats to the kitchen to wait for Luke to finish.

The thing is, seeing Ashton again, in such a familiarenvironment, makes it look like nothings wrong. That maybe they just had some sort of weird vacation and now they're back and it's just going to be them again, like it always was. That Ashton's going to emerge from the kitchen and ask Luke if he want some hot chocolate and they'll sit at the kitchen table and talk about how their day was and how much they missed each other. That Luke's going to take the shirts he's currently shoving in his bag and put them back on the shelf and that he's never going to have a reason again to pack them unless they're going on vacation.

Luke has to take a deep, deep breath when he's packed everything (the air smells like Ashton and love and home and it's suffocating and overwhelming and Luke wants to scream and cry but he won't give Ashton the satisfaction of being the first to break), before he heads out the room and towards the kitchen, where Ashton's sitting at the table, staring at his coffee with lifeless eyes.

“I'm done.” Luke says, but what he's actually saying is 'I'm about to leave and if you've changed your mind, about us, about our future and please say something now, please just say something'.

Ashton nods. “Okay.” And all Luke hears is 'I'm sorry but this is it, this is the end, I can't do it, I'm sorry Luke, I'm sorry' and all he can do is smile weakly.

He reaches in his pocket and grabs his key, slowly placing it down on the table. He remembers when he first got it, how excited him and Ashton had been to have their own place, their own apartment. How it only took five minutes for them to start calling it home because any place the other was was home and how Luke couldn't stop smiling every time either of them said it. Home. The word sounds empty now.

Ashton shifts his gaze from the coffee cup to the key, refusing to look Luke in the eyes. Luke thinks it probably means something, the fact that Ashton can't even look at him, can't even look him in the eye as he's about to leave, but he's too tired to say something about it. He's done fighting for someone who thinks he doesn't want him. He's done loving Ashton when Ashton refuses to love him back. He's just done.

So he straightens his back, turns around, and, without another word, leaves the apartment.

It's raining outside. Luke thinks it's cliche and dumb and ridiculous and he can feel the rain mix with the tears that are steadily streaming down his face. He makes his way to his car, that _of course_ is parked all the way at the end of the street. His clothes are getting soaked and he can feel the cold seeping in his bones and he momentarily wonders if he will ever be warm again. He thinks about Ashton and his bright smile that Luke used to say reminded him of the sun and he don't think he ever will.

Every step Luke takes takes him further away from Ashton and their apartment and the life they used to have and he can almost physically feel himself leaving a piece of his heart behind with every damn step. He wants to stop walking, turn around and run straight back, convince Ashton they can work it out, they can make it work.

But Ashton doesn't want him anymore, doesn't want to spend the rest of his life with Luke, 'wants to widen his horizon', see what his options are. Luke feels anger bubbling up his chest. Anger at Ashton for not being willing to fight for them, for not believing that they could make it, for not believing in _Luke_. His hand ball into fists and he wants to _punch_ something.

And that's when he hears it. One word, _his name_ , shouted but still barely audible above the sound of the pouring rain. Luke hears it nonetheless. After all, the voice, _that_ voice is one he's heard so many time he could probably still recognize it long after he moved on, long after he's forgotten all about him.

_Ashton._

“Luke, Luke wait! Please just wait!” Luke has stopped walking by now, but he can't find it in himself to turn around just yet. His fingernails are digging into his skin and he has to resist the undeniable urge to just punch Ashton in his face in. God knows the bastard deserves it.

But when he actually turns around and sees Ashton running towards him, without a coat and barefoot and his clothes already completely soaked, curls sticking to his face, Luke can feel all the anger leaving his body. He really wants to be mad at Ashton, he does, but when Ashton gets closer he can see tears in his eyes and he looks like a mess, looks like Luke feels inside and he realizes that he might not be the only one who's hurting.

When Ashton reaches him he falls against Luke and clutches at his coat, burying his fast in the soft wool. He's mumbling, something that appears to be a mix of 'please don't leave' and Luke's name and Luke knows he shouldn't, knows he should just turn and walk away because they're a mess and they need time and his arms end up circling around Ashton's shoulder, pulling him closer.

With this validation, with this proof that Luke's not going to leave that he's going to stay there with Ashton, in the pouring rain, Ashton sentences seem to start making a bit more sense. He pulls away from Luke, enough so he can look him in the eyes and Luke finds himself reaching up to wipe his tears. “I'm sorry, Luke, I'm so sorry, I know I said I wanted time and I know I said I didn't want to be tied down to one person, but the truth is Luke, I can't see myself with anybody else. I can't imagine dating anyone else and it took seeing you leave the apartment with your bag slung over your shoulder for me to realize that and I'm so, so sorry, but please don't leave me. I need you. I was scared of getting too attached but I'm already too attached Luke. You're the only person I could ever want. _I need you_.”

Ashton looks at Luke and leans closer, so the next words are whispered against Luke's mouth, their lips inches away from touching. “It's you Luke. It's always going to be you.” And that's all Luke needs to smash their mouths together, clinging to Ashton like he's a life line, scared that if he lets go Ashton's going to cease to exist. Ashton's doing the exact same, pulling Luke closer and closer and closer and clutching to him like he's never ever going to let go ever again. Luke doesn’t think he would particularly mind that.

Luke knows they have a lot to talk about this and that the last words haven't been said about it, but right now, they're okay. It's just them and the rain and the quiet street but they're okay. And Luke's not going to leave and Ashton isn't going anywhere and suddenly the rain doesn't feel like drowning anymore, it feels like a fresh start, a clean slate.

“Please give me a second chance?” Ashton whispers, when they pull away for air.

Luke doesn't hesitate with saying yes.

 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr [here](http://oliviaswizzle.tumblr.com) :)))))


End file.
